Don’t take an unlicensed car from the airport that’s being driven by your arguing parents.
When you’re exhausted after a long flight, it might seem like a good idea to go with the first person who asks if you need a ride, but you should never get into an unlicensed car that’s being operated by your parents as they viciously argue with each other. At the very best, they’ll ignore you completely as they scream at one another for the entire ride. In the worst-case scenario, they might demand that you pick a side in the fight, or they might stop in the middle of the road and refuse to drive any farther until they feel that they have proved a point.
Watch out for people selling CDs in Times Square who are members of the band Slipknot.
Times Square is one of the most popular destinations for tourists in the city. It’s also the most popular place for members of Slipknot, the heavy-metal band known for its scary masks and jumpsuits, to hawk their latest release to passersby. They’ll try to convince you that they’re not trying to hustle you or rip you off, but if you take one of their “free” CDs, they’ll surround you and aggressively demand that you pay for it. To make matters worse, when you get home and listen to the CDs, they will be full of music by Slipknot.
Make sure that you know the difference between local and Starlight Express trains.
It can take a little while to master the intricacies of the New York City subway system, but one way to get started is to make sure that you know which trains are running local and which are running productions of “Starlight Express,” the rock musical by Andrew Lloyd Webber. It’s confusing at first, but the local trains will usually be marked with signs that read “Local” and will make more frequent stops, whereas Starlight Express train cars will be filled with performers on roller skates belting out songs like, “I Am the Starlight,” “Light at the End of the Tunnel,” and the titular “Starlight Express.”
The public restroom in Bill de Blasio’s house closes at 6 P.M.
While New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio and his family are very happy for tourists to use the bathroom at Gracie Mansion, they do, understandably, need a little time to themselves. If you’re looking for a bathroom on the Upper East Side, make sure you pop in before 6 P.M. Any time after that, you’ll need to go all the way down to Alec Baldwin’s apartment in the Village, where the line is often around the block.
Don’t eat street food that has been made from old hot-dog carts.
New Yorkers are notorious for always being on the go, which is one of the reasons that food trucks and carts are so popular here. When visiting the city, by all means sample some of the street food, but watch out for any vender whose fare is, in fact, a piece of crushed metal that was formerly part of an old hot-dog cart. The warning signs are easy to spot: the “food” will often have a shred of a yellow hot-dog stand umbrella sticking out of it, and, upon taking a bite, you will notice that all of your teeth have fallen out and that your mouth is bleeding.
If there’s an empty subway car, don’t get in—it’s privately owned by Donald Trump.
When you see an empty subway car, you might think that you’ve hit the jackpot and will be guaranteed a seat. In fact, these empty subway cars are an extension of Trump’s real-estate empire, and you will be fined heavily for entering them.
When renting a Citi Bike, consider riding it across the Brooklyn Bridge’s suspension cables.
Citi Bikes are a fun way to see New York City, and to work off some of the calories from all the food you’ll eat here! If you’d like to get out of Manhattan and check out the artsy bohemian scene in Brooklyn, one of the best ways to get there is along the top of the Brooklyn Bridge’s famous suspension cables. You’ll get a beautiful view of the city, the Statue of Liberty, and a crowd of people beneath you, screaming and calling the police.
